Tag Archives: friends

Loyalty – Is It A Choice?



Is it true that you can only count on yourself in this life? And that people will always disappoint you?

This is such hardline thinking. I don’t want to believe this any more than I want to believe that The Captain and Tenille couldn’t work it out after 39 years of marriage and Muskrat Love. However, lately I’ve been hearing more and more about disloyalty, unfaithfulness and mistrust. Ew, ew and double ew. I’m getting this from friends, acquaintances, lovers and television shows. It feels like an epidemic. Or maybe Mercury is stuck in retrograde. READ MORE HERE.



Should You Let Friends With Money Pay For Dinner?

Photo Credit: blog.dwolla.com

Photo Credit: blog.dwolla.com

Written for Evolved World.

I think it’s safe to say that we all have friends who are more financially well endowed, so to speak, than we are, but we can also say that the converse is also true. For the most part, I don’t think about this. I’ve never been one to count anyone’s money, because I prefer that people don’t count mine, and I like to keep my eyes on my own paper.

However, sometimes the disparity rises to the surface and just like that, you are face to face with a “you have and I don’t have as much” situation.

Picking Up The Check In Restaurants

This can be a source of angst and awkwardness for the parties involved. When men are involved, it is usually about dick size and power tripping.  When it is a mixed gender meal, things aren’t as clear cut. Who pays when it’s you and your wealthier married couple friends?

I went out to dinner last week with my married couple friends, who I’ve known for over twenty years. They’re very successful as well as generous, thoughtful, modest and they’ve never flaunted their material wealth around.

When we’ve gone out to dinner in the past, they have always insisted on picking up the check. Like I said, generous. I always offer but it is always denied. Last week, however, it really affected me. I am a grown independent woman, who can afford to pay for her meal. If I couldn’t afford it, I would not have accepted the invitation. This made me feel like a charity case and a child. A poor child.

How do I tell them how it makes me feel, without it sounding like a therapy session? The older I get, the more troubling this becomes. Is it a comment on how others see us? I started to wonder why these friends feel compelled to constantly pick up the check. Is there something else going on besides generosity? Is it a control issue? Is it simply easier than dividing the check?

I didn’t want to make a scene but I also had to put an end to it. I am your equal. I’m not living on the streets and singing for my supper in the subway. Let me pay for my salmon.

When the bill came, we exchanged the cursory, “No, let me get it.” “No, don’t be silly, how much do I owe.” “Really, it’s fine.” And on it went until we were both a bit embarrassed. We settled on me paying the tip. Maybe these innocent transactions are metaphors for where we stand in the hierarchy of our friendships and relationships.

How can everyone be happy?

1.    Discuss the parameters before you go out. This isn’t always possible and it depends on how close the individuals are.
2.    You can tell them that dinner out is your treat and pick out the restaurant.
3.    Give the hostess your credit card before you sit down at the table.
4.    Insist on going dutch and throw a wad of cash at your friend’s head and then get up and walk out. They’ll be too flummoxed by your behavior to do anything about it.


Cher Asked, I Tweeted

I’m such a hypocrite. It was only last night, as I was falling asleep, did I utter the following. “Why Tweet? Why use Facebook? What’s it all for? To what end? What is it going to accomplish? It’s all so overwhelming. What am I keeping up with?” And then this morning, before my coffee was brewed, I went on Twitter.

The first Tweet I saw was from Cher, asking if anyone knew anything about Weilea Maui (Earthquake/Tsunami in case you just crawled out from under a rock) because she has a house and friends there. The Tweet was posted only six seconds earlier. Yes, I thought that I would be the first to respond to her and yes, I thought that she would reply.

I wasn’t just any Tweeter. I had spoken to Cher once, on the phone, BT (before Twitter) and this would be a reconnection. Full disclosure: Cher was one in the holy trinity of entertainers that I was obsessed with as a kid. Barbra and Bette were the other two, in case you were wondering.

Years ago, my ex-husband was producing a band, whose lead singer was friends with Chastity (Chaz) Bono and Cher. What were the odds? Soon I was playing the tambourine with Chastity in my apartment and smoking cigarettes on my porch, talking about losing her father. I was dumbstruck, dumbfounded and just plain dumb. How could this be happening? A childhood dream come true. Almost. I still hadn’t made contact with Cher.

These friends often went to Cher’s house in Malibu to play Wise and Otherwise (an awesome board game) and most of the time, they’d stay overnight. I’d inevitably get a phone call asking if we could babysit their dog. I’d get mad for the last minute request and they knew I was annoyed. They were also keenly aware of my Cher admiration so they came up with a plan.

I came home from walking my own dog and my ex-husband told me that I had a phone call. He didn’t say who. I took my sweet time. I was pissed because there was a hole in the poop bag and I noticed it too late! I picked up the phone.
“Hi, this is Cher.”

Sweet baby Jesus. It took three ‘who’s’ to hear her right. She must’ve been talking on a cheap phone. My face crimsoned and my ex started laughing.

I spoke, “I’m going to kill her.”
Cher laughed.”Who, Heidi?” I talked to Cher like I was talking to a close friend. I congratulated her on her star on Hollywood Walk of Fame.
I could tell that she was smiling, “Yeah, that was cool.”
I said, “I wish I could’ve been there.”
Then she dropped the bomb. “Would you take care of the dog?”
I said, “You know, Heidi’s got to plan better.”
Cher laughed again.
I said, “Maybe it’s that fucked up Atkins diet she’s on.”
Cher laughed even louder. I told her it was good to talk to her, wished her well and we hung up.

So you see, my expecting her to Tweet me back wasn’t that far fetched, was it? I mean she would’ve remembered my name, right? Yes, it was 13 years ago, what’s your point?