Tag Archives: hormones

Gee Your Hair Smells Like Placenta



It was hard to choose what to write about; learning to play a new sport later in life, or using placenta to aid in hair growth. What to do, what to do.

Animal placenta for hair growth? Okay.

You can buy placenta hair treatments in drugstores and beauty supply stores. Supposedly they’re a great source of “bioactive (whatever that means) components including growth factors and hormones, according to board-certified dermatologist Dr. Meena Singh.”

Dr. Singh explains, “Specifically, the growth factors in animal placental extracts have been shown to increase hair follicle growth and decrease hair shedding. The positive effects on hair growth are most likely due to increased blood vessel formation and subsequent blood flow to the hair follicles.”

How, you ask, does this treatment work? “Because hair is made up of proteins, the idea is that the use of a protein reconstructioner, (made up word) like placenta, will return protein to the hair and repair the hair follicles, says Dr. Robert Dorin, a New York City-based hair specialist and restoration expert.

Don’t think that you can just slap on some pig placenta, and wham, bam, gee my hair looks terrific. This isn’t an instant gratification process. You must have the discipline for once or twice daily applications for at least six months, and even then, there’s no guarantee. That’s a lot of pork.

Here’s my favorite part. Because the placenta contains hormones, like a lot, Dr. Singh cautions that some of the placenta products may cause premature sexual development in children as young as 14 months old. Therefore, she doesn’t recommend 14 month olds to use these products. I’m totally paraphrasing but that is, in essence, what she said.

Not to split hairs or anything, but what 14 month old is worried about their hair growth. What am I missing here? Do 14 month olds even have hair? I wouldn’t know, I don’t have kids.

But those ladies that are pregnant, should totally keep the placenta; it’s no longer just for stem cells anymore.


Do You Let Your Teenage Daughter Have Sleepovers with Her Boyfriend?

imagesWould you let your teenage daughter, and her boyfriend, share a bed if he slept over your house? Do you let your daughter’s boyfriend sleep over your house?

About a year ago, my boyfriend’s daughter asked us if her boyfriend, whom we like, could spend the night. We were going skiing the following morning and it would be saving him a trip. My boyfriend knew where I stood on the subject.  NO FUCKING WAY!

After a some cajoling and guilt, I caved. We put him in the basement on a futon. We made it perfectly clear that this was not to become a habit. For me, this falls under the broad category of boundaries (mine), respect, and good old fashioned values. We’re not running a brothel here people.

When I was a senior in high school, I asked my pot-smoking, Kerouac reading, and consciousness raising attendee parents if my boyfriend could sleep over. It was after nine o’clock and he only had his permit at the time. They agreed but they weren’t excited about the idea.

He slept in the guest room down the hall. And in the middle of the night, he tiptoed 50 feet down to my bedroom, and we had sex. We thought we’d pulled one over on my parents. 

The next morning, we sat at the kitchen table with my parents and had breakfast. I looked over at my mother’s face, and her clenched jaw. Something was wrong.

My mother turned to me, her eyes like daggers, pierced through to my very soul. She uttered three little words that would affect me for the rest of my life.

“How dare you.”

There was nowhere to hide. There wasn’t any point in acting like I didn’t know what she was talking about or coming up with some  lame excuse.

“What do you mean? He had a hang nail, and was looking for nail clippers and then he accidentally feel on top of me and. 

I was royally embarrassed. I had disappointed her, and I had disrespected she and my dad (who never heard a thing, thank god) I had betrayed their trust in the most sordid and humiliating way. 

Now, with my boyfriend’s kids, I must see to it that I will never be put in the same position as I’d put my mother in. I have my mothers steely look seared into my brain, to ensure that there won’t be any  co-ed sleepovers on my watch.