Tag Archives: orgasm

I’m Syndicated on Blogher

I’m happy to announce that The Girlfriend Mom has been syndicated on Blogher.com. The geniuses in the Love and Sex department couldn’t resist my funny sex stuff.

When my boyfriend schooled me one sunny afternoon on his masturbatory modus operandi, I realized that I didn’t know as much as I thought I did on the subject. I believed, like I assume a lot of other women do, that when he masturbated to a short online video, that it was because he didn’t want to have sex with me. I thought that he was choosing his hand over mine. And I’ve got great hands, strong yet sensitive. But I digress.

Image: Yuriy Rudyy via Shutterstock

I believed that the two sexual performances were mutually exclusive. Not necessarily. He explained it to me this way. When he gets the urge to masturbate, it’s like an itch in need of scratching. It’s emotionless and mechanical, and has nothing to do with our sex life. I equate it with having a hang nail. You know it’s there. It’s annoying, and you have to clip it. Once you do, there’s an awesome sense of relief, and you can get back to returning emails.

Some men feel that the orgasm they achieve through masturbation is less complex and more locally intense than climaxes achieved through sexual intercourse. Come on ladies, don’t we feel the same way? Isn’t it nice to be in full control of our pleasure? Controlling the pressure and speed of movement applies to both genders.

There are a variety of reasons why men masturbate and why women get all bent out of shape. Sometimes it’s a lack of education, understanding, insecurity, or bad communication skills. Yes, there could be a potential problem in the relationship, but to understand the male sex, women must understand the relationship between penis and brain.

A male child discovers that his penis feels good before he can talk! Manual stimulation is the first form of sexual behavior learned. The hard cold truth is that the vast majority of men masturbate – even if they’re in long-term and happy sexual relationships. It’s that simple.

The more women understand, the more empowered and secure they will become. I suggest that women ask their men why they masturbate. If that’s too daunting, and a woman feels that there’s more to their man’s masturbation than just a hang nail, then women might want to look for signs. Before a woman starts feeling rejected or threatened by their man’s hand, consider the following.

Men masturbate when they’re not getting enough sex from their partner.
We have sex like 40 times a day (not really, but it’s a substantial amount) and my boyfriend still masturbates.

Men always fantasize about women they know when they masturbate. False.
I’ve seen the anonymous ten second videos that my boyfriend sometimes uses. A visual, yes. Fantasy? Not so much.

Ask yourself the following:

Does masturbating get in the way of the relationship?

Does he/she choose masturbating over having sex with you?

My boyfriend can masturbate at 8am and then have sex with me at 9am. And he’s no spring chicken. In his world, and now mine, one has nothing to do with the other.

Some men have issues with women using sex toys when they masturbate. And just like some women feel that they’re being replaced when their man masturbates, some men feel that they’re being replaced by a toy. Be reasonable boys and girls. If I want to pleasure myself with a foreign object, do not take that to mean that I would rather use a glass dildo than have some fleshy male meat.

My boyfriend wants me to use whatever I can to achieve an orgasm. The man lives for my orgasms. Sometimes I wish he lived for loading the dishwasher, but again I digress. One night when I was away, he asked me if there was something in my room that I could pleasure myself with. I’m not into fruits or vegetables in my nether orifices, thus disappointment ensued on the other end of the phone.

Did you know that some men in their 70s and 80s still masturbate several times a week? Honestly, I didn’t need that visual. In general terms, men masturbate most in their teens and gradually do it less and less as their life progresses – depending partly on whether or not they have a partner at the time.

Couples can achieve considerable satisfaction by watching each other masturbate. Maybe this would make both parties less insecure. It turns me on watching my boyfriend masturbate. I enjoy watching his face contort and the sounds that he makes are priceless.

Again, this is where communication is golden. Couples need to discuss their insecurities and try to understand where the other person is coming from. Knowledge is power people! There are so many acts and behaviors that couples can get hung up on; an innocent masturbation session, with or without toys, should not be one of them. Life is too short. I say, tonight jerk off.

Practice Pilates for Greater Sex


Originally published on the Huffington Post. But you can read it below.


I’d like to explore the many ways that Pilates can improve your sex life. As per usual, I speak from experience.

I would hope that by now, all human inhabitants of Mother Earth know the benefits of living a healthy life, and that they know that physical fitness leads to more energy, confidence and less muffin top. The prouder you are of your physique, the more likely you’ll want to show it off, especially between the sheets. Personally, due to Pilates, I feel so confident in bed that I feel as if I should get paid. Wait. Never mind.

Through a steady Pilates practice, you may start wanting sex both morning and night, and you will be outstanding at it. This is the goal anyway. I’ll break it down by using several Pilates principles by way of example.

If the pelvic floor muscles, which are a part of the core, are strong, then you’ll be able to increase tension, master movements and orgasm upon your command. Since I’ve become a Pilates instructor, one of the many beautiful side effects is my ability to contract and release at will. Pilates sure is empowering!

If you’re not sure where or what the pelvic floor muscles are, then as you continue to read this, pretend you’re going to pee your pants and then stop the flow of your pretend pee. Those are them.

Pilates exercises involve coordinating the breath with each movement. Emphasis is made on expansive inhalations and exhalations, which brings oxygenated blood to the muscles faster. When we can do this correctly, it leads to an increased blood flow to the sex organs. And let’s face it, who among us wants to suck wind when we’re having sex. I’d rather be sucking something else. Whoa, easy tigress. All I’m saying is that Improved breath will increase stamina.

Controlled panting is what you want, and Pilates is a perfect way to practice that control. Since the system calls for muscle control, so as to perform each exercise accurately and precisely, you become more aware of how your body moves and the function that each muscle has within that movement.

Pilates is a mind-body system, so there’s a mental component. In teaching, I use imagery to achieve correct form. This requires a great deal of focus and concentration from my clients. I use different images when I’m in bed, but I am focused nonetheless. I’m looking for impeccable form without extraneous movement, just like Pilates requires. It’s maximum sexual efficiency.

I’m not saying that by doing Pilates, it can turn you into a contortionist, but I can guarantee an increase in flexibility. The hip joints especially are worked in many of the exercises. Being able to get your legs over your head, or splay them out like a wishbone, can be very erotic. Your partner will undoubtedly be impressed.

Stability plays a vital role in Pilates, where one’s core and balance is continuously being challenged. Don’t you think it would enhance playtime, if you were able to stabilize yourself in certain sexual positions? Doggie style comes to mind, which requires balancing on all fours (some of us in the biz call this quadruped) while your partner thrusts, bumps and grinds, trying to shake your foundation.

Mr. Pilates designed a piece of equipment called the cadillac, which includes an attachment called the trapeze. It allows for super fun movement. I have a feeling that Mr. Pilates knew exactly what he was doing when he brought out the trapeze.

I believe, or I’d like to believe anyway, that he wanted us to practice on the trapeze, so that we might take those moves into our bedrooms and hang from the rafters, if you’re an extreme sport type of person that is. Or so that you might fulfill your childhood dream of joining the circus.

Practicing Pilates has been shown to help with erectile dysfunction. I know nothing about this, given that my lover has the stamina and control of an 18-year-old, or that of Sting. Since my boyfriend also practices Pilates, E.D. isn’t his problem. Locking the front door when he leaves the house is his problem. We all have our crosses to bear.

Now get into the Pilates studio, so that you can mount your partner with confidence, zest, and without the fear of pulling a groin muscle.

What’s Wrong With Being Selfish?

Selfish is not a dirty word. Unless you’re a selfish bastard, who only thinks about yourself, putting your needs high above everyone else. If this is the case, then you’re ugly and so is the word. I’ve encountered my share of selfish people in my long and illustrious career. I lived in Hollywood for crying out loud. Nuff said. But only now am I beginning to understand that sometimes, being selfish is healthy, and just what’s required. This is especially true when it comes to women.

(Continue reading)

Orgasms. Which One Are You?

*** LATEST ARTICLE FOR Evolved World
Not since the Silicone vs. Saline Breast Implant controversy, have we been so preoccupied with our sexual responses and pleasures. I now give you the great clitoral vs. vaginal orgasm debate.

Is one better than the other? What does it mean if you can’t have a vaginal orgasm and everyone else on your block can? Does one type of orgasm affect your partner’s pleasure? I’ll try to answer the above but as far as your partner is concerned, you’ll have to ask him. I’ve got my own partner to deal with.

Sigmund Freud suggested that the clitoral orgasm was the predecessor to what he considered the deeper and more satisfying vaginal orgasm. What a crock of crap! He went on to say that the clitoral kind was immature. Immature? I know you are but what am I? There is nothing immature about my clit!

There’s more. He also believed, as did others (which accounts for a lot of messed up thinking out there on the subject), that a married woman was supposed to naturally “transfer” the awesomeness that she felt from her clitoris, (it is awesome) to her penile penetrated vagina, courtesy of her husband. There wasn’t any scientific proof, at work was the power of supposing and suggesting.

The male perspective continued with Alfred Kinsey, who supposedly found that women could not and were not having vaginal orgasms. But Freud just said that… Later, the Masters and Johnson research team of Williams H. Masters and Virginia E. Johnson, studied sexual behavior through observing and measuring masturbation (huh?) and sexual intercourse in the laboratory (I want that job). Their results showed no difference between Freud’s vag orgasm and the immature clit orgasm.

Masters and Johnson found that the majority of their subjects could only achieve clitoral orgasm, while a small minority achieved vaginal orgasm. Women everywhere stood up and took back their clitoral orgasms. While I’m not about to march on Washington for orgasmic respect, I am thankful for those that leveled the orgasm playing field.

Pop-culture and the media haven’t helped by putting in their orgasmic two cents. They’ve f’d women up, leading some to feel sexually dysfunctional if they don’t perform like the women in the movies, who are often portrayed as orgasmic beings, needing only cock penetration to reach orgasm. No need for foreplay, stimulation, or to even take your clothes off. I’d like to meet those women.

It’s hard to believe that in this day and age, that there are women and men who believe that if a woman doesn’t experience an orgasm through intercourse alone, that they are sexually dysfunctional. The physiologic response between clitoral and vaginal are identical. Orgasms are orgasms are orgasms, so who cares how you’re stimulated, as long as you’re stimulated. Amen.

The many forms of stimulation could take up a whole page but when I read about the use of an electric toothbrush, I had to share. Let’s take a moment to digest and then regroup.

A brief anatomy lesson.
A total separation between the vagina and clitoris is mostly false.

The clitoris consists of more than the clitoral glands and hood (external parts). Because the internal parts surround the vaginal opening, and canal (which has few sensory nerve endings) the internal parts of the clitoris are muy importante in the feeling department.

Orgasms mostly involve our brains and central nervous systems, therefore our sexual response is more than genitals or about having a given part of our genitals touched. If this weren’t true, then when my gynecologist sticks, what feels like his entire hand, up in my cooter, or shoves in that wand for a pelvic ultrasound, I’d be orgasming left, right and center.

By the same token, I can kiss my lover and feel a special sensation in my private place but I’m not going to orgasm. No offense, lover.

Orgasms come from the inside of our brains and central nervous systems, and flare out, impacting certain parts of our bodies. So when I ask my lover to dim the lights, or close the door, or some other perceived neuroses (perceived by him that is) so that I may focus on my orgasm as a whole, it’s because those things are affecting my brain and thus, my genitals.
Can we agree that orgasms are a Pu Pu platter? Let’s stop caring so much about how we attain them, and where we think they’re coming from. Isn’t it enough that we have them to begin with? Some women don’t, or can’t, but that’s a whole other topic.
Do we really need to deconstruct our own orgasms, analyzing why one way doesn’t do it for us, while other ways do? Find out what stimulates you, stick with it and just do it for crying out loud! And if the electric toothbrush is your thing, then I suggest brushing your teeth before you get off.